I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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