I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
