Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
