It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
and she was petting her beer can
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
