I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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