She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
