well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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