The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
