idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
