Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
