all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
