Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
