Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
