Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
