I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
