You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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