Need sex. Gaining weight.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
