How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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