You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
