I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
