You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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