yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
