the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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