If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
