And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
