i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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