if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
