I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Mom said you looked used
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
