im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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