Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
