I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
