someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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