just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
