awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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