Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
