He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
