Don't you send me to vm
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
