I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
