he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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