And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
