I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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