All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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