lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
