So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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