I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
