mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
only you would photoshop your dick
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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