Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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