Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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