You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
