can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
