Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
