Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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