Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
