I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm sobbing to NWA
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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