idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
